Will's 9th

Will died 9 years ago on this day, the 19th of October. This time every year since then has been difficult. The love in me for Will as his Mom breaks my heart over and over again. He was a great son. I am grateful that he called me his Mom. He is now up there among the stars with his Dad, both watching over us. Oh how I miss them.

Sunday, October 14, 2018

It is 4:12 am, I have been up for a couple of hours. I have to force myself to stay up later in the evening so that I am not wide awake in the middle of the night. It is quiet, surrounded by my lovely animals, Billie, Millie and Ginger. I am starting to read a book about Shakespeare called Time's Fool. Still figuring out what it is that I want to do with my life, it will take a while. Planning trips for the next year. Mainly visiting family and friends. Writing and as Kent said at Dick's Celebration of Life, stay social. I am grateful to have had Dick in my life, his way of solving problems, keeping sharp, planning and implementing projects. Yesterday, when I was taking a shower, I was thanking him for putting the grab bars in the shower. I would say only the best for Dick, how true and translated to mean only the best for me too. We made a home here, it reflects both of us and I am happy with it. Reminded of our many years and wonderful times building a life together. I loved and will always love Charles Richard Dickens. He called me his Gardener, the garden is beautiful with its roses, hydrangeas, Japanese maples, lantana, gardenias and much more. Reflecting on life and living, today is a new day.

July, August & September

It is October 1 and I am here in Carmel Highlands, alone, calm and at peace. Summer 2018 was hopeful at the beginning, emotional and tragic. My husband, Dick, got very sick and fell a couple of times. Hopeful because we thought that he would recover and be able to make it Kauai for our 22nd year there and our 30th wedding anniversary. Emotional and tragic because Dick did not recover and died on July 14. Alison, her boyfriend, Austin and son, Rob were with me and so supportive of us during this time. We were all with Dick on the day that he died, telling him how much we love him and how grateful we are to have shared our lives with him. On his way to heaven, he saw birds, what kind of birds, Bluejays, he said. Will was waiting for him. After Dick died, the rest of the summer was spent planning arrangements, settling the estate and all that goes along with that. We planned a memorial service at St. Augustine's in Rocklin, CA for September 29. Still planning our trip to Bakewell, Yorkshire, England in June of 2019 to have him interred with his parents. His Celebration of life was last Saturday. It was perfect. Joined by family and friends the service was beautiful. Children and Grandchildren participated by delivering readings, reflections and the making the oh so awesome video presentation. The whole family participated. The simple reception at the church with coffee, tea and cookies was wonderful. He would have wanted it that way since we did coffee hour for so many years at our old church, St. Bede's in Menlo Park, CA. Finally, the reception at the house was beautiful. Extended family, neighbors and out of town friends came to share stories and fond memories of Dick and our family. People gathered outside and enjoyed the weather, each other, the view and the breathtaking sunset. People inside also shared stories and enjoyed each other's company. Sharing all with love for Dick/Chuck/Richard. Yesterday, I drove to Carmel via San Jose , CA to visit with my Mom and sister, Sheila. Today is October 1. And off to the ocean I must go to lose my mind and find my soul...